Moving our Body
“What are you going to eat?”
“How are you going to eat enough?”
“Will you even have options for race-day-fuel?”
“Are you going to be strong enough?”
These questions, and many similar, were asked of me for 16 weeks while I trained for a half ironman. Questions of doubt, disbelief, and disapproval. Questions that pointed fingers and offered discouragement. Everyone seemed to know what I should look like, how I should eat, and how I should perform. There was a standard I “needed” to fit into in order to accomplish my goal and task I set out to do.
For someone who maybe did not know the freedom offered with celiac disease, all they were able to see were the restricted foods and limited diet. They may not have been trying to discourage me on purpose, but defaulted to do so because of their lack of knowledge. So in tandem with these comments and societal norms of what working out should look like, I found that if I didn't have the right support or even helpful items in my own cart, I was quicker to believe the doubts and fail to complete my goal. Our race-day-fuel may not look like our neighbors, but we are still offered an abundance of sustaining foods to compete and complete our race well.
A few weeks ago, I finished the half ironman. 70.3 miles. I swam, biked, and ran. I crushed my goals, never lost heart, and finished strong. I swam with joy, biked with wonder, and ran with stamina. Every mile and every hour that past, my heart blossomed in gratitude. My body was able to do this even with a disease that limited my intake. I moved, excelled, and laughed! But, oh my, was it hard! I have never pushed my body to that level of intensity as I did during that race. I cried while I raced and cried while I finished. I felt pain and discomfort. I was constantly talking to myself out-loud speaking words of encouragement and positivity. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was not prepared for how hard. When I finished, I felt both kinds of relief. The relief of completion and the relief of rest.
While I raced, not once did I think of celiac disease or the many things I could not eat or drink during the race. I was not in pain and the thought of pain never even crossed my mind! I never compromised and I was never in discomfort because of any kind of lack. I did not take chances with different bars but instead chose to read each label with precision and confidence. To be honest, at the start it was hard to imagine that with my disease I’d be able to keep enough calories, find good replacements, and build a strong enough body. But I believed in my disease and knew with certainty that celiac does not take but give.
When I first started to train, I was eager to tell people. Excited to share my goals and new workout plans. I wanted to share the 16 weeks with my friends and community, because with how many hours I dedicated each day to my training, it kind of acted as a part time job for me. The workouts were long, fascinating, and invigorating. It was how I spent every afternoon. I was found either at the pool, on the road, or on a bike. How could I not bring it up in conversation?
However, after a couple months of training, I stopped telling people. I stopped sharing my workouts, lost track of the actual race date, and took on the Ironman as an activity on my own. After I would share with a friend what I was going to do, they immediately thought of food and fuel and doubted I would be able to do without “proper” nutrition. The standard for carb loading, protein builds, sodium intake, and caloric amounts were not achievable for me. I was not going to be able to do gatorade chews, pasta bowls, or peanut butter sandwiches. I couldn’t google the “best things to eat while training for an ironman.” I couldn’t go to the running store and buy whatever supplements I wanted. I couldn’t take the gatorade at the aid stations and I couldn’t fill my pockets with fast, light, and accessible snacks. When I paused to think about everything not available to me, all the sudden it was easy for me to believe the lies. Celiac disease can become coined with limits and restraints.
But I want to stop there. Yes, some days were hard. Yes, sometimes I doubted and desired to quit. Yes, sometimes I cried over the lack of things found on google for celiac disease. Yes, I craved to fit in. Yes, I did doubt, but I never gave up. In my heart and pantry I knew I had enough. I knew what I was putting in my body pre and post workout, and I knew it was enough. I saw the growing grocery bill, participated in the constant snacking, and ate the larger meals. I found plenty of carbs and sodium. I allowed myself to buy my favorite foods and take a few extra handfuls to cease my hunger. I chose to believe the truths and do the Ironman. I heard the lies of limit and chose to believe the truth of abundance to sustain and equip me as I competed.
The past 16 weeks were about grace, stamina, joy, perseverance, energy, and resilience. Some of these words I’ve already used, but these are the words I want to reiterate. It was about putting in the workouts, trusting my food choices, and executing the hard work. Not once did I feel like I had less than everyone else. Not once did I feel cut short. Not once did I feel discouraged about my options. Not once did I fail. I had fuel and an abundance of it even with celiac disease!
Workout related or not, below I’ve shared a few truths. How we can fight the lies and bask in the freedom. And for those desiring to workout and set a goal, I also have listed a few of my favorite snacks and well oiled tricks. No matter where you are in your road to healing your stomach or navigating celiac disease, we are in this together.
Enjoy moving your body! Don’t choose working out as a consequence but as a gift. Instead of going for a run because you feel as if you need to or have to, move your body as a chance to enjoy the beauty of creation and the capability of your body. One of my favorite things about working out is that it involves my mind at the same time. I started going for runs years ago because when toxic thoughts were swarming my mind, stepping outside to move my body engaged my mind and helped to recenter, calm, and bring back reason. Running to me is time to pray, think, breathe deeply, and recharge.
Do your workout not your friends workout. When you feel like moving your body, do what feels good to you and not what feels good to your neighbor. Run your race and be as intense as you can handle. If you don’t feel like running one day or going to the gym, don’t do it. Instead, grab a yoga mat, call a friend for a walk, or sit and enjoy another cup of coffee.
Find food and drink options that excite you. If you don’t have foods you want to eat, you won’t eat it. During my race, I knew I was not going to be taking gels and chews with me, so instead I thought of whole foods I could take with me that offered the same nutrition value. I packed mini potatoes drenched with salt, freeze dried bananas, cut up Lara bars, HU crackers, and a squeezable pack of almond butter. I found a yummy salt drink mix that even came in multiple flavors. So during my race, I was excited to refuel the calories I was losing because it was food I enjoyed and liked! Because of this, I was able to have enough energy to finish. And not just barely finish, but finish strong, on my feet, and with a few dance moves across the finish.
Pack another workout-specific suitcase (refer to this blog post). Gather together your favorite things before you start working out so in tiredness and fatigue, you don’t compromise and forget the options you have.
Relieve the pressure. Moving our bodies is a true gift. It’s a chance to pour forth gratitude and praise. Enjoy what you’ve been given and receive the light load.
Eat while you are hungry and don’t worry about tracking calories. If you finish a workout and have an apple but are still hearing your stomach grumble, grab a handful of almonds or dairy-free yogurt. Listen to the ways your body is telling you what it needs.
Working out is one of my favorite things and I am not going to let celiac disease stop that. In the same way someone else likes to cook, draw, play soccer, dance, or drink tea, I love finding ways to incorporate hobbies into my rhythms. If you feel discouraged in your hobby, or even as you’re working out, I hope you remember how strong you are and how capable you are. That you have a plethora of options and are by no means stripped from competition or working out. Like I’ve said many times before, celiac disease does not take but give. We have a healthy and capable stomach. We have put in the hard work to heal, so we know the foods to enhance us and we can’t help but dance around and forget the past pain because we are living in the present freedom.
